Interview with a Black Bear or Why I Dont Need a Gun!
So far, the number one question I get about the Trail is Are you going to carry a gun? This surprised me the first 3 or 4 times I heard it. I was totally stoked to talk about gear weight, food, boots, even bathroom topics. Packin heat wasnt on my list of priorities.
For most of my former career as a Park Ranger, carrying a pistol was mandatory. And awkward. The thing is GD heavy. It used to stab me in the side ALL DAY; if I took it off Id have to lock it up and be paranoid the entire time I couldnt see it. I had to keep it clean and oiled. The only time I used my sidearm was to shoot a rabid skunk. Once. In 7 years. As someone who is weighing their Nalgene to see if its too heavy, why would I want to drag a gun along? Also, I barely have room to pack things to clean my own stanky self, much less oil and maintain a firearm.
Guns remedy fear for a lot of people and many people are afraid of going out into the woods alone. However, when you are one with the universe, AKA hiking, only your fear is the enemy. So, as part of my why I dont need a gun argument, I called in a ranger connection and found a bear to ask him the hard questions.
Black Bear… can I call you ‘Yogi’?
Really? Hells no, thats a dumb name for a bear. Just call me BB.
BB, lots of folks are going to be hitting the Trail this summer which goes right through your territory, doesnt it?
Well black bears actually live all over. Land clearing and unregulated hunting drove us into the mountains for decades, but thanks to hunting regulations and forest regrowth, were currently experiencing a renaissance in our old neighborhoods. Its a great time to be a bear!
So, you mean people on the East Coast may see you living next to them?
Well, we keep to ourselves and we try to be respectful, but as long as theres enough forest near your house, property values are going to be pretty attractive for new bear homes!
Lets talk about the obesity epidemic in America. Are you worried for your species?
Absolutely. It used to be we had this clean Paleo style diet; foraging on plants in the spring, fruit and nuts in the summer, insects for lean protein, and the occasional small mammal or amphibian. But with us sharing more and more space with humans the youth have really started embracing a fatty Western diet.
So you see this as affecting primarily young bears?
Yearlings are just fresh out on their own; Mom isnt around to tell them what to do. Theyre going to be easy victims of marketing. When was the last time you stayed at a campground? The smell of bacon in the morning and burgers at night is irresistible. Dont even get me started on honey buns and cupcake wrappers! Folks leave food scraps and trash around and those young bears just cant help themselves. Its like the bear version of a freshman 15.
Moving forward, how do you envision a plan to combat the issue?
Well, theres very little bears can do except try to educate their young on healthy lifestyles. Its up to people to get these horrible foods out of our forests; bagging and hanging it, disposing of trash where we cant get to it, and definitely not feeding us! Human trash and food can cut a bears lifespan in half.
Readers might like to know; what should we do if we happen to meet a bear? What customs do you observe?
We dont like being the background for your selfies; thats just rude. We also know were beautiful though, so as long as youre far enough away feel free to admire us. If you get too far up in our business, we may swat or huff at you.
Alright, any parting words for us?
Dont feel like youre not safe in our neighborhood. Theres no reason to bring a gun for protection; we dont want any trouble, just Cheetos. Okay, maybe your Little Debbie snacks too. Live and let live!
Bear photo courtesy of Patrick Conelley https://www.flickr.com/photos/grepsy/9209437731/in/album-72157634488580284/
Stay tuned for a future interview with a venomous snake! Here are some legit resources for anyone interested in learning more about black bears:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/2015/06/150626-black-bears-animals-science-nation-conservation/
https://www.dgif.virginia.gov/wildlife/bear/
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Comments 6
Thank you for sharing your interview 🙂
Thanks for reading it!
Thank you. I often struggle with people who are honestly curious wondering why I am not hiking with a gun. Great article, great perspective, great info.
Glad you liked it, thanks for reading!
Uh, I’ve never “blogged” in any way…so, here ya go. I like your perspective on whether or not to carry a piece. If there’s still time, I’d suggest making and carrying a hand-forged deer antler-handled bowie knife. Sort of a Jeremiah Johnson type deal. Well, actually, that may weight twice as much as a gun, ha ha! Never mind. Hope you find greatness, peace, and adventure on your journey.
Haha, if I wander off trail and get lost I’ll work on that knife as part of my survival scheme. Thanks for reading!!