What I Know
Its been a while.
I didnt fall off the edge of the earth or escape to Canada. I didnt turn around and start hiking south or hop a plane to the Pacific Crest Trail. No, Im home and Ive been writing. I just havent been ready to share until now.
I stood on Mt. Katahdins summit on August 19th, a perfect summer day framed by an electric blue sky and warm breeze. As I climbed onto the iconic wooden sign that marks the northern end of the trail, I was overwhelmed with raw emotion: extreme happiness, profound gratitude, and sadness. The tears came with abandon, the product of simultaneous joy and sorrow. This, I thought in that moment, is what it feels like to truly be alive.
As was expected, life has changed over the past few months. I sleep in a bed most nights and drink water from the tap without treating it. My knees dont hurt anymore, and my toes are less tingly now (though some numbness continues to linger). When its time to go to work, I hop in my car and make the 30 mile commute in less than an hour. I cant help but think about the fact that it would take me at least a day to travel those miles by foot. In fact, I think about the trail in reference to everything that I do now. Its always with me, running through my mind, enveloping my heart, and filling my soul. Kind of like a friend I didnt know I was missing.
Things will never be the same. I will never be the same. I didnt think I went to the trail to change, but maybe I did. Maybe I was ready to better myself. Ready to grow. Timing is a tricky thing, as is patience. I can now confidently say that this journey came to me at exactly the right time.
Once youve traveled to the top of the proverbial mountain, the world below is seen with different eyes. You descend with a clear lens, and suddenly youre able to pick up the hundreds of shades of blue that paint a summer sky. Youre able to peer into the souls of others and realize that their hearts are full of love and simple goodness. Youre able to look yourself in the eye and see a person who, despite struggle and difficulty, took hold of her dream and brought it to life. There is good in this world and unbridled strength in each of us, and I found it on the Appalachian Trail.
I miss my life on the trail. I would be lying if I said this transition has been easy. No, its been really, really hard. But, so was hiking from Georgia to Maine. I did that, so I know I can get through this. Instead of simply checking a thru-hike off the list or classifying it as a once in a lifetime experience, Im striving to find concrete ways to incorporate it into my daily life. Each day on the trail served as a lesson in living and in becoming the person I want to be. Im confident that it will take my entire life to fully process this experience, but what a beautiful journey that will be. It seems that the literal journey, the hike, was just the beginning.
This is a slow process, the figuring-it-all-out. Three months removed, heres what I know:
Let go of Ego.
Admittedly, it took me a couple of months to realize that the number of miles I hiked each day didnt define me. The speed at which I covered those miles didnt make me a better person. What really matters is how we make people feel. I want to be defined by my interactions with others. Maya Angelou said Ive learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Ive learned that my personal athletic achievements pale in comparison to the achievement of making someone feel good. On the trail, that was as simple as a smile or a brief conversation with a stranger. Every interaction counts.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
I learned that I dont have to be strong all the time. Its okay to cry and to be frustrated. I can be sad sometimes. Being on the trail gave me the space and time to work through things that I didnt even realize were still hanging in the dark corners of my subconscious. It gave me the opportunity to find comfort in vulnerability and in open, honest conversations with others and with myself. It reminded me that rejection is painful, but regret is worse.
Dont postpone joy.
Perhaps the most profound thing I learned is also the simplest. Tomorrow is too late; now is the time to seek joy. Its there, and I felt it in ways that I still cant quite articulate. Content will never be enough for me; I refuse to settle for anything less than ECSTATIC. Life is amazing, and Im ready to celebrate it. Even when its hard.
At the root of it all is gratitude. For the people I met, for the mountains, for the rain, for the kindness of strangers, for the conversations, for the sunny days, for the Pop-tarts, for the rocks and roots that royally kicked my ass, for the ponds, for the Whippoorwills and the Loons, for the trail, for the journey, and for this life I give thanks.
Until next time, peace be the journey.
Liz/Yellow Bird
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Comments 3
Congrats!
Loved following your journey. Your positive spirit and unique perspective are an inspiration. Congrats!
Eveready from Canada here. Your blog is well articulated. You are dead on about making people feel good. It is what we all should do day in day out. Keep writing. I thru hiked just ahead of you as I summited Mt Katahdin Aug 7. The trail is in my everyday thoughts and I miss it still.